Not Me Monday. So real it hurts

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This week I am about to be so real it hurts. Seriously it pains me to admit all the things I did not do. Today especially.

My sweet darling daughter wanted to try out for the school swim team. For a second year. Last year she did not make it and she did not seem bummed and she did not try to go learn how to be a better swimmer. No seriously she didn't and it upset me greatly but I didn't want to force her. She swore off swimming completely as of last year when she did not make the team then this year decided she wants to join and she begged and pleaded and I decided to do it despite my better judgement.

So today we did not have her first and only try-out and I definitely did not tell her she was not going to make the team. Any good mother would have been by her side routing her on. I would never be the mean Mom.

Then after swimming when the coach said she would call because she had to discuss it with the other coaches I most certainly did not say oh you didn't make it they just don't want to be mean. Come on now who was I channeling Joan Crawford or something.

That is all I care to admit because I am that bad and I am very ashamed and I cant believe what I did. I owe my daughter so many apologies. Especially when I tell you this last one because if I don't it may eat away at me forever.

I did not tell her she didn't even try to make the team and that I felt she gave up. OMG Joan Crawford move on over Carribear is in the house. OK seriously I am done and ashamed and my Mommy license should be revoked. Only sad thing is I almost felt like I was doing her a favor so when I get that horrible call that she did not make it and I cry my eyes out because I am so crushed for my daughter, because when I have to break my own heart telling her that she did not make it I am hoping my Joan Crawfordness makes it that much easier. Then I will cry with her and feel like total crap for being so hard on her. Soccer Mom nor Pageant Mom I am not.

Now someone please teach me how to teach her to seriously try her hardest, or maybe I should just stop letting her try out for competitive sports because I can't deal with our heartbreak.

Oh yeah I do truly hope she makes the team but after watching her perform I just know it is a long shot.