Many thoughts working through my brain

So yesterday was the memorial. It was a nice time. I guess you could say. I mean how nice is a memorial for someone who has passed away.

-We heard about my father in law ans his clutter.
- We heard he was a collector.
-We heard he was a wonderful man. (because let's be honest someone would say different at a memorial and if someone would say different would they be the person you choose to speak about said person.)
-We heard he traveled.
-We heard he had a love for boating.
-He retired when Steve was a  very very young boy.
-He sold yaghts for a living.
-He thought little boats are for little people.
-He was a wonderful man.
-He had a safari best that held everything. seriously no lie anything you ever needed especially pens.
-He collected everything. Literally everything even those sticks from the cheese and cracker things.
-He never said no!!! OK here is when the problem arose. He did say no many of times to Steve and myself and our children. Steve would call Dad can we come over today! No. What about next weekend? No See the trend. It was a hard memorial. I cried I laughed. Steve just sat and then spoke and made me cry a little more. Steve was honest and did not speak on false word. He did not speak of how close he and his Father were because that would be a lie. He did not speak of all the wonderful times they had together because then he would need to edit out some of the truth and turn it into a lie. He went online and found a poem and he read it. Word for word as he choked up because it was hard to hear himself saying words that he knew where forever true and he could never take back or change the relationship he now spoke of.

It saddened me I asked my children tell me a memory of Grandpa and they have none. I hope that you can all make memories with your children everyday. Memories are so important and if nothing else this has taught me that.

Thursday/"Memorial" Day

So today was the memorial service for my father in law. It was a hard day. It was not until 7p.m. and the day seemed to go on forever until 2:30 when the kids got home from school. Then the hustle and bustle of homework and showers and getting kids ready and getting adults ready and getting out the door. All while getting the kids fed because what other time can they eat but now. Oh it has been a hard day but one we will work through.

Life and Death

               Steve once said why do people cry at funerals? You are born to die. I thought it was so impersonal and rude and crude and nasty and just emotionless. I couldnt believe this was the man I was married to. Then it happened death hit very close to us. My loving husbands Father passed away after 4 years of being sick and in and out of hospitals. It was horible and wonderful all at the same time. Jorrible because death is just horrible but wonderful because he is finally out of pain.                I cant go into a huge speech about my late father in law. Sadly I did not know much of him. DH was the black sheep of the family so to speak. Due to this we were never close with my in-laws and only saw them but three times a year. It was still hard to hear of his passing. Sadly Dh was emotionless and his comment was but people are born to die.

            

Reunion

Part 2!

Today is the second JHS reunion. I went I saw I left. I understand the reunion concept and all but when you have a reunion and it is in a bar and you can't hear over the music (as good as said music may be), and it is to dark to see faces. What type of a reunion is it. I give the girl who put it together credit, but next time let's have it someplace where we can see eachother and speak to eachother and actually reunite.

So have you ever been to a reunion? if so how long since you had been in school, work or whatever else you were reuniting for? Where was it thrown at? Did you help organize it? I ask because I want to throw something together so that I am not throwing stones about it and I am actually helping it. I think a rec. room or someplace would be a good idea and we can all speak and enjoy eachother's comany while also seeing eachother's faces.

Bi-polar Children

This is something that I hold very close to me. My daughter was diagnosed bi-polar a couple of months ago and since then our lives have been turned upside down. Big girl is an absolutely amazing child she works hard in school and does her best in everything she can do. She is a recluse. She does not enjoy going out of her comfort zone, this makes life very challenging at times. She is only 9 and it is had to deal with her being diagnosed bi-polar and not being able to get help for her.

Why do I tell you this? because today she had a melt down and I lost control. I did not know how to calm her down or what to do for her. This school year has been extremely hard and she has been failing and she has been un-able to concentrate and it has been horrible. We keep working with her and are very hopeful that day by day things will get better for her.

I know what it is like to have a mental disordr but not what it is like to be bi-polar, back 5 years ago I was diagnosed bi-polar but then told I was just depressed and so far that treatment has been working. Most days. It is hard though to watch it happen to your child, it is hard to watch her go from a straight A student to a failing student in less than a year.

Today big girl brought home a less than passing grade and she melted down. I didn't know what to do or how to help her so I just let it play out. It was difficult to say the least. I then searched online and called everyplace I could and have another appointment in December to get her evaluated again and hopefully this timebe successful in getting her help. This road is not an easy one but it is one that I will travel down with her for the rest of her life supporting her and helping her in any possible way I can.

Glee

OMG can I just say I am watching it and it is such a horrible show but I cant help but watch to see them break out in song and dance. I just love it and know it will probably be cancelled by next season if it last that much longer. L-O-V-E it!

OK on to other things, the day from hell is followed by the most nauseating day in a while. I dont know if it is womanly isues or what but man oh man have I been nauseas and nasty and yucky all day. What is a girl to do but eat rice and then mandarin oranges and someice cream and then have almond joy's on the side in waiting. But yes I am nauseas and wanting all that crap. Yucky yucky yucky. With each bite I feel worse but yet it feels good to eat. Hubby says oh man are you pregnant, nope not even close but aren't we both hopeful. Oh have I mentioned yes we are trying for a third, for over 5 months now with no availability and no baby. We just keep trying.

Last week I went to the woman doctor and I hadn't gone in 7 years, yeah you read that right. She took tests, blood test, pap smear (sp??), and a sonogram. She said come back in two weeks and that is coming up. She also said she will be putting me on Clomid to see if maybe that will help me have my third. Has anyone else been on Clomid any advice? No no takers, oh that's right nobody reads this but I. But whatever, I am trying it and we shall see if it is in God's plan for us to have a third and if the timing is right. So that is post number two to catch up from a day of no posting. I am really enjoying blogging and getting to let this all out. We may now resume our previous enjoyments!

I missed a day so I will double up

Yeah so I missed a day. Man how I wish I truly missed yesterday because it was the afternoon from hell. The kids had a half day and then after they got home Hubby helped them do their homework. He had work at night so that was tons of fun. Once little boy finished his homework he went and played on the computer which normally would not bother me. I woke up late and his homework was done so I should have been thrilled but I woke up cranky because the house was a mess with laundry crawling all over. Big girl was complaining while working on her homework and I had no problems or so I thought. I started laundry and Hubby left for work. That was it. Big girl freaked and did not want to do her homework. Little boy brought me his book to figure out what tests he had this week. Well needless to say he conveniently forgot to do homework so we had to do that. Pair that with big girls melt downs and we had one hellacious afternoon. I gave up and told little boy he can do his homework in the morning with Daddy. Needless to say Big girl sat with him and changed her mood did her work and then helped him do his work. Sometimes bi-polar is in my favor sad to say. I guess she saw he was driving me insane and could only feel bad for a mental breakdown Mom. Then we went to dance and took bathes and did her hair (all for her to not even keep it in for school :( ) and then bedtime at 9:30 ensued. I thought my night was over but lo and behold not quite I didn't get to bed till 5 a.m. Did someone say hellacious night as well.

Not Me Monday. So real it hurts

If you want to read more Not Me Monday head on over to McMama's and join in.

This week I am about to be so real it hurts. Seriously it pains me to admit all the things I did not do. Today especially.

My sweet darling daughter wanted to try out for the school swim team. For a second year. Last year she did not make it and she did not seem bummed and she did not try to go learn how to be a better swimmer. No seriously she didn't and it upset me greatly but I didn't want to force her. She swore off swimming completely as of last year when she did not make the team then this year decided she wants to join and she begged and pleaded and I decided to do it despite my better judgement.

So today we did not have her first and only try-out and I definitely did not tell her she was not going to make the team. Any good mother would have been by her side routing her on. I would never be the mean Mom.

Then after swimming when the coach said she would call because she had to discuss it with the other coaches I most certainly did not say oh you didn't make it they just don't want to be mean. Come on now who was I channeling Joan Crawford or something.

That is all I care to admit because I am that bad and I am very ashamed and I cant believe what I did. I owe my daughter so many apologies. Especially when I tell you this last one because if I don't it may eat away at me forever.

I did not tell her she didn't even try to make the team and that I felt she gave up. OMG Joan Crawford move on over Carribear is in the house. OK seriously I am done and ashamed and my Mommy license should be revoked. Only sad thing is I almost felt like I was doing her a favor so when I get that horrible call that she did not make it and I cry my eyes out because I am so crushed for my daughter, because when I have to break my own heart telling her that she did not make it I am hoping my Joan Crawfordness makes it that much easier. Then I will cry with her and feel like total crap for being so hard on her. Soccer Mom nor Pageant Mom I am not.

Now someone please teach me how to teach her to seriously try her hardest, or maybe I should just stop letting her try out for competitive sports because I can't deal with our heartbreak.

Oh yeah I do truly hope she makes the team but after watching her perform I just know it is a long shot.

Opossing sides

So I must ask, if anyone is actually reading this. Does anyone else have the opposite schedule from their significant others?
I ask this because this morning I woke early. My who is lucky enough to sleep in on a daily basis since hubby works nights or at least later in the day and he brings the kids to school. I wake up closer to noon then 6 a.m. but not this morning. I woke up and could not go back to sleep as I usually do. Boy do I hate waking early mornings especially when I wake and hubby goes back to sleep. It seems to happen in this house every time I wake early which is not often at all. At night I usually stay up waiting for hubby because I have major anxiety am afraid of the dark am good like that. I usually stay awake and when hubby comes home from a night shift I pass out quicker then a heavy sleeper on ambien. When he works mid day shifts I stay awake as well but I still usually pass out first. The few times he works a day shift so to speak he goes to the bedroom earlier then I do and passes out first while I am stuck awake. Wide awake usually. So does anyone else have these opposite schedule from their significant others?
The reason I ask is because I hate it with a passion. Don't get me wrong I love my time and I know hubby loves his time, but there are nights I just want to use hubby as a pillow cuddle and we are on opposite schedules so it does not happen. Sometimes I feel like I have to schedule time to be with hubby, especially with the kids wanting to see him and the cats and dogs coming between us. So if anyone else has this issue what do you do? hubby hates that I try to schedule time with him but I feel like if I don't we just wont get anytime together some weeks.

Big girl turns 9

So today is the day. It marks a huge point in big girls little life. It is the last age she will ever be in single digits. It is a huge thing at least in my book. Next year she becomes double digits ten. This year she is still an adolescent, next year she becomes a kidteen (in her words of course).
I slept through the night wonderfully why my living husband was a thrilled father and stayged up allllllll night making cupcakes. No I kid you not. My husband pulled an all nihter making cupcakes, since of course I am baking challenged. Everyone jokes if you want to make it to another birthday dont allow me to bake, but honestly I am OK with that. Although it does kill my whole SuperMom thoughts.
So my poor husband pulled an all nighter. He worked until the wee hours of the night and then got home at 2:30 a.m. just in time to see me pass out on the couch start on the cupcakes. He then brought me into the room so he could have the TV while I slept and he made cupcakes. He stayed on facebook all night as cupcakes baked and decided the middle of the night is no fun on facebook. He made 48 cupcakes through out the night. He then decided he should pull an all nighter because what else do you do at 6 a.m. when the kids have to be on the bus by 7:40. Luckily I woke up at 7:30 just in time to wake him up. Did I mention my husband is the best and not only got up but made lunches and then brought the kids to the bus stop, where may I add all the kids sang Happy Birthday to my big girl. Which started off her day just right.
Hubby then stayed awake all day so he could bring said cupcakes in for lunchtime, then start baking more cupcakes for our house party later in the evening. Isn't he an amazing work out of the house plus homemaker Dad. I couldn't ask for a better baker. Besides who else would take the time to even ice cupcakes in black and white cookie form. Half vanilla half chocolate frosting. What you mean not every man does this?!?

Nothing to say

Well no I don't mean right now. Of course I have plenty to say to all of you write about for my blog. So yesterday was a great day. Big girl only threw a couple of slight minor gut wrenching fit's of rage had a wonderful birthday. She went to school and the kids all sang to her at the bus stop (as I previously mentioned), hubby brought her cupcakes for lunch time to share with her class and her former teachers and school staff. She received a coupon from her teacher for one free homework. You know where you get to be lazy and not do one thing of homework, because that is what every school child wants and what every parents loves. But sadly not me, I want my child doing all the work because in my mind you learn when you do something, but whatever Happy Birthday this one I will not argue enjoy your one night of not doing one thing of homework. Big girl then came home, changed out of her uniform and dragged me out to go to her old school to see her friends and pick up some of her other friends from school. Then we came home did homework opened gifts, ate dinner and had friends over for cupcakes. The end!
But that was yesterday, not what I wanted to blog about today.
Today I want to say that I absolutely love my husband. No really truly I do, but he pisses me off so badly sometimes that I think why did I want him working a day shift. Yesterday we he straightened up the apartment for people to come over while big girl dragged me around the neighborhood. He did such a good job throwing all the laundry in the shopping cart and attempting to go to the basement and do the laundry. Epic fail as my lovely neighbor's were doing their laundry and hogging all the machines. Damn them I have laundry too and it is not like I have a washing machine in my apartment and was just to lazy to do laundry daily that I have mounds to catch up on. oh wait yeah that is what happened. Oh well. But seriously we did not get any laundry done as the kitchen was being used to make 95 cupcakes throughout the day.
So now my point of this post, today I did the laundry. I cleaned the house and did the laundry (all of it and even put it away like a good housewife)I busted my butt getting all 5 loads of laundry sorted, folded, hung, put away and in the midst of it picked up kids from school, got the kids to do their homework, got the kids to not kill each other, got dinner made and who knows what else. You know us Mom's we multitask and then I personally forget half of what I did. I then brought big boy to dance with big girl in tow, complaining the whole time might I add. Stayed the whole time because what else can I get accomplished in an hour. Brought kids home, showered big boy because all 7 year old boys refuse to clean themselves in a shower right. Got big girl situated for the shower, got the kitchen cleaned up from dinner, got the kids room straightened up and then plopped my booty on the couch.
I was tired. Hubby came home right at bedtime and I said tag your it. He then said why I just got in and this is where he irritated the crap out of me and I wish he worked a night shift. What have you done all day. Ugh men. I just don't get it. He was home for 2 months he saw my schedule and he complained about dragging the kids to and from activities and he didn't even clean the floors, do it all while I was gone at work, clean the bathroom, or a whole bunch of other things that I do on a daily basis while he is at work. It irritated me and instead of saying a word. I sat there with nothing to say. I just shut up did not fight complain moan or retaliate, which is huge for me because I don't ever know how to shut up. I just sat pissed off and dealt with it.
Hubby knew because then he went in for a shower, cleaned the whole bathroom (from mostly his mess I am sure but whatever), went in the bedroom made the bed.. because we have dogs that unmake the bed so why bother making it to begin with, and cleaned off his dresser from the few stray items. He then came out to let me know he was staying in the bedroom for the night. Enjoy yourself because I am still pouting over what you said and me not saying a word. So how many other husbands come home and have all the right things to say? How many of you would actually just shut up and not say a word in rebuttal. How many of you could sit and have absolutely nothing to say. Oh man do I hope for hubby's sake that he never comes home and has all the right things to say again and if he just so happens to, I hope he finds me to tired to say a word. This could have been world war 3,4,5 and probably 6 had I not been so tired.

Irish Twins

Or so it seems. Every year when Auust 1st comes along I get upset and thrilled all at the same time. First I get upset because my little boy is growing yet another year older. He is not a baby any longer as he turned 7 this year. Well he was not a baby at 6 either but he seemed younger. Now he is in second grade and he is doing everything on his own. He wants to run into dance school without anyone just to say he did it all on his own. He doesn't throw fits anymore when we go to dance because he is a big boy. He has even grown patience when we are there. But that is not the point of my post. Now the thrilled part of August 1st.

Every year August 1st I seem to have Irish twins. My kids are 21 1/2 months apart. So I say they are 2 years apart to make life easy, but once a year for 2 1/2 months my kids are only a year apart. It is the fun time for me because I get to say I have a child age x and a child age x +1. Everyone says OMG was it difficult how do you manage. Exactly how far apart are they. Then I say 21 1/2 monthes to be exact, people look at me like I have two heads. How is it possible that they are 2 years apart and yet only 1 year apart in age. Uh people 21 1/2 months not 2 years.

Today marks the day that is my last day to say my son is age x and my daughter is x+1. I dont like this day for many reasons. First of all it marks the last day I can say age x and x+1 and it also marks the day my daughter (who is my oldest) becomes a year older.

This year was a difficult one. Why you ask, because this is her last year as a single digit. Tomorrow actually begins her last year as a single digit age. My daughter is 9 and now it is all down hill from here. She asked for books for her birthday and electronics, because every 9 year old wants the newest IPod touch, dont they?!? I know she got the books and I also know she did not get the IPod touch because I refuse to allow my daughter to get the newest IPod touch before I even get an IPod touch to begin with. So instead it will be a Christmas gift, because only for Christmas do we get such lavish gifts.

So as I go mourn this day and make sure to tell everyone I pass on the street see anywhere I go know that I have a 7 and 8 year old (for the last time may I add)I hope you all enjoy your day. I am going to enjoy my last day this year that I get to have Irish twins.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


So for my not me Monday post I must say exactly what I have not done this week.

I did not smack my daughter in public for mouthing off at me. I then did not get mad at DH for getting mad at me for doing so.

I did not get upset over stupid things all week which in turn made me cry daily. I don't know why I would do that because no rational person would do that.

I did not make an appt. with my OB/Gyn after not seeing her for 7 years. I mean who in there right mind would not go to the OB/Gyn for 7 years. Can you imagine all the bad things that could happen in 7 years. Nope not me.

I did not decide that I want to move out of NY and soon. I have also not been searching every website I can to find info on the new state I want to move to.

I did however make sure to let me friends know so I can get all the help I need in moving out of state because that is a decision that we have made since we know NY is just not a good fit for us anymore.

For more Not Me Monday posts head on over to McMama and see what other things Mom's or their children did not do this week.

What she said

I told you I would tell you what my best friend said in my next post. What did you think I was a liar.

So here is what she said. We wives stay at home and our husbands work and it is only fair if they come home after doing there job and we have done our job. Have dinner made, clean clothes, the house clean. a nice relaxing place for them to come home to because that is our job. OMG no she didn't this is not my job, I do my job I do homework with my kids and feed them and cloth them and make sure they are bathes and there teeth are brushed. I make sure that they are happy and healthy and get where they need to go. Who cares if he comes home to a dirty house that is his home and he can help. But then I thought oh wait her does help. More then any other husband I know. he wakes in the morning even after his night shift and he brings the kids to the bus stop or to school. He does things around the house. he makes a fresh pot of coffee every morning and he brings me coffee, He go to the store and food shops and carries the heavy things and he works. Outside of the home as well as inside the home. Then I sat and thought and I realized I am so lucky.

Some husbands I know go out whenever they choose and go for a drink after work. They have hobbies other then there family despite working all nights and never seeing there family or despite working a 70 hour work week. They dont come home after work and there wives cook and clean and pamper them. Yes those wives are also miserable. Not judging just speaking from what I have heard. They are not happy because they feel there husband does it all and they suffer. They are the poor me and I will not be a poor me. Well not always anyway. My husband works and comes home. He comes home on a Friday night and asks me if I am going out because i deserve to get out of the house away from the kids. He gives me a massage and pampers me. He bring me a pillow and a blanket so I can lay on him and watch TV. He does it all for me. So I guess doing my job isn't so bad after all.

You know the best part. I now love my job and honestly do not ever want to work outside of my home. I know I must one of these days but I want to be home and be a Mom. I want another baby to raise and I want to go to my kids school plays. I want to be class Mom (which I happen to be this year WooHoo!). I told my friend that what she said truly made an impact and it did. When my husband is home he helps around the house but on days he works so do I. When he comes home I have clean laundry for him it is folded and on hangers sometimes just waiting to be put away OK OK maybe not always put away but it is clean. All that needs to be done is putting it where it belongs and my husband is so awesome that he will do it. Even those times he has worked late he will do it. Although just like sometimes I am tired so is he so sometimes it sits, but I do try to get it away the next day. I am not the perfect housewife, wife, or Mom and I know this but I want to do it better. I want to be a tree hugging hippy Mama. I want to wear and apron and cook and clean and look great doing it. Until then I am me and I am doing what i can the best way I know how. But my best friend sure planted a seed and it is growing day by day.

Nie Nie is amazing!

I just have to say I believe in faith, I believe things happen for a reason be it good or bad or otherwise. Well today I was online with the TV on with background noise, or so I thought.

I sat here listening to the TV and all of a sudden I heard Oprah (who I never ever ever watch) say and here is Stephanie Neilson(I hope I spelled that write) also know as Nie Nie on her blog. OMG my mouth dropped. I had to stop everything and be thankful I had the TV on and I have DVR. I stopped everything. I remember hearing of this story of a woman who was getting an outpouring of love and prayers because she had a blog. I remember thinking yeah and who said blogs are just blogs. See these are those friends I speak of. Everyone near and far whether they know NieNie or not was praying for her and showing her family love after a horrific accident her and her husband where in.

I sat in awe, she is gorgeous, both inside and out scars burn and all. I just sat telling my children and husband please be quiet this lady is absolutely amazing. I listened to her story and it brought tears to my eyes. The struggles her family's had. The decisions that they had to make, that she had to make. They sat there saying how she was on life support and how they prayed and kept her alive. I said to my husband do you remember our conversation we dont want to live on life support. Imagine this had been us and you unplugged me when I could have comeback and been alive and had a life. As much pain as this woman is in she continues to live her life. She does things and goes places and is a great person. She inspires me.

Then Oprah reads a letter from a viewer telling her how she hates her life and if she has to play play-doh one more time she will kill herself. OMG that is me, well sometimes.. without the play-doh, more like with drums and homework and fighting kids and just being home. I dont want to kill myself either but I related more to her then I did to NieNie. Oprah sent this woman to live a day in NieNie's life and OMG I cried, over and over and over again, the tears streamed down my face and I was sad. I was embarrassed for this woman and myself. I can't believe we woman complain and this woman is living with pain every day to be with her children, husband and family. She chose life.

It was then that I decided I must do better. I love being a stay at home Mom. My best friend made me realize that a few months ago. More to come in next post. I realized I have been doing all these other things and I need and want to do more. Not because I have to, not because someone told me to but because I want to. So I went and I told my daughter who drives me completely insane on a daily basis and makes me glad I have medication to calm down sweetheart why dont you read some more of that book for your book report and then come lay down and watch some TV with me, and what did my monster child sweet little girl say to me.... NO. So instead I told her OK go to your room and pout I dont want to deal with the attitude. Tomorrow will be better I hope!!!!

Letting it all show!

I keep reading these amazing blogs saying why can't I be as funny. Why can't I be as good, why why why. There are creative blogs. There are organized blogs. There are just plain funny or all out balls to the walls type of blogs. I am not one of those and I am OK with that. I am here to write because I enjoy it. I like to blog.

Now in real life I do not tell anyone I know that I blog or that I have friends on the internet that I have never met before. Do you know the looks you get when you say you have friends in other states, you know because of the internet. Most of my friends just dont understand, they dont get that I have friends that I speak to that know all about me. That I can spill my guts to and not have to worry about them jdging me, and you know what even if they do I dont care because they are not judging me to my face.

I have friends that I can tell everything to in real life but I love them and I know there quirks and most of them judge. It is just the way it is.
~Sometimes they make comments like damn girl you analyze everything calm down, and then I sit and analyze that. Damn she was right.
~Other times it is.. oh wow you got back on your meds. I can tell. Oh man how bad was I without them. Was I that bad. Am I that good now, or maybe I am more insane who knows.
~Or the best, you are just so skinny you twig, toothpick, Olive Oyl, amongst other nicknames (but most of that was when I was younger).
~Now it is wow girl you got big, because you know when I was a size 0 I was a twig and now at a size 5 I am big. I knwo they dont mean I am big because they tell me how awesome I look as well but they joke because now the skinny twig has a tiny muffin top and a butt. A big old round plump butt and it looks damn good so eat your hearts out.
~I have gotten the wow you are acting quite (ghetto for better lack of words), when I started school because sadly I got back to my Queens New York roots and had my NYC twang, accent whatever you want to call it. My mouth got big and I got attitude. I was around young girls and I had to go old school to show them no I am not some meek size 0 twig who is going to sit here and take your crap.
~Now I get the why did you go for school if you are not going to do anything with it. Umm my decision my life and yes I will do something when it is my time.
I get judged for being a stay at home Mom, for having a messy house, for having a clean house, for having two dogs, and a cat and a hamster and a two bedroom tiny cramped apartment with all of that in it.
Now I am in no way complaining about my friends because I love them all but some things I just dont want to be judged on. I know they mean it with love but they are still judging and I dont want that. if I want to be on trial I will do something bad to need a lawyer and a court hearing with a trial, not when it is my daily life.

So here I am letting it all out, showing my ass as some would say. I keep reading blogs and the girls do it and I love them for it and I decided I too am going to do it. When you judge me I wont care because you wont be in my face, or maybe you will but I still dont care because I am who I am and that's all that I am. Maybe you will write nasty comments, maybe you will follow me. Maybe just maybe you will run far away and say damn why did I ever talk to that girl. Well fi that is the case. Sorry nice knowing you and I never judged you. I am not God nor am I religious (sorry had to say it) but I do not judge. I have morals and faith and a love for a power greater then thy self. I send my kids to catholic school and I say every weekend how I want to go to church and when I go I love it but I dont go often. My daughter begs to go and I pray that one day I can move to a place where there are tons of churches and where we can find a family of our own. A family in faith and morals. I may have the same beliefs I may not but I do pray they just dont judge. I am not going to judge you I will laugh with you, cry with you and let you know how I feel about the situation because that is me. Maybe ghetto maybe nasty maybe blunt just me. Hope you like it. Take it or leave it.

SuperMom I am not!

I am still learning this parenting thing much as I am still learning this blog thing. Every day things change and I learn something new that I want to try. It is amazing how as we get older we still need to learn day by day.

My kids may be the only kids in the world that have this problem, but just in case it is not only my children please feel free to help me learn some more ways to handle this.

What is the problem you ask? Beginning of school-itis. What is that you ask? Well during the first month or so of school they come home jittery, complaining about homework and food and thirst. Then my kids pull out their grades. Now this year I am shocked and amazed and don't know what to do. Normally it is my son who brings home less than perfect grades. My daughter brings home A's as if they are the only grade they give out. Well this year it is quite different. Why you ask? Well at the end of last year we found out my daughter is bi-polar. Now not many kids are diagnosed bi-polar at the tender age of 8. Now this is the frustrating part. Since it is so uncommon in kids her age I can not find a doctor for her. The neurophsycologist who diagnosed her said it may be best to put her in a school that has special education, but I refused she is a straight A student why mess things up. Well this year it is different. She is bringing home very bad grades. With it being only a month into the school year I am trying hard not to freak out, but man is it hard. We send my kids to a parochial school and it is not cheap. I am not saying that I am paying for grades because I am not, but I am saying if she is going to flunk out I cant afford it. My son on the other hand is bringing home excellent grades. It seems as though when one kids messes up the other is great and vice versa. Does anyone else have these type of tag teaming kids?

I must say so far I am lucky DH is home from work still and he is helping out but when he goes back to work (which could be as soon as Monday), I may just go insane. I will feel like the failure if I can not help her get her grades up. I am now searching high and low to see if I can find a doctor that will not only take her and help her but also one who will take my insurance. I found one doctor who would take her. Yes only 1 and he did not take my insurance. In a desperate plea of help I asked how much did he want please I need some help. He said $500 for the first visit and $300 there after and he will need to see her once a week. Well of course I am a millionaire I can swing that. So needless to say I continue to search online and try to help my daughter on my own. I continue to search for a doctor while my loving DH thinks this is all in her head (no pun intended) and she can turn it on and off.

So this is why I say I am not SuperMom. I am not hear to save the day. I don't have all the answers and every day I am learning as well as my children are. I hope that one day I will find someone or something that can help us with our problem. I also pray that DD pulls up her grades because I see how much it is hurting her to be getting these grades when she knows she can do better. I don't know if her mind is everywhere or if it is just beginning of school-itis but I do hope it calms down soon whichever it is.

Not me Monday

For some reason I can not get the pretty picture that links back to McMama and mycharmingkids.net so this will just have to do, until I write to her and figure out what mistake I am making. Now on to my own not me Monday!


This week it will be about both my children and me. Come on now we are all perfect so I have so much to say about one of us that I need to write about all three.

Like this passed week I did not sit inside the car and roll up the windows to out scream my children during their fight. I am way to calm and collected to do that and what Mother in her right mind would do that. I also did not then roll down the windows and pretend we were all singing loudly to some crazy song on the radio.

This week my daughter definitely did not fail another math test. I as the perfect Mom I am have quizzed her and studied with her and done everything in my power to ensure she is the straight A student that she once was.

Also my son did not get new boxers this week which in turn her turned backwards and proceeded to tell me he wanted to see if he could do #2 (his exact hand gesture... during dinner might I not add) through the whole. He also did not proudly share that Daddy taught him the right way though and it is meant for going potty. Come on now why would any of this happen in my family.

Now I pray hubby nor either of the kids see this wonderful post because the loving Mother and wife that I am would never post anything to embarrass myself or my loving family.

Sunday

The beginning of October and the first week we choose to go searching for pumpkins. This is the first week DH is home and can go moving about with us without crying in pain later in the night. So we went with our friends and their kids to go pumpkin searching. I would say picking but here in our area of NY we pick them up from the floor or out of bushels in a box. we all searched for some apples, but needless to say we came home empty handed. The kids had fun and it was a very warm day and we all had fun. Pictures were taken and things were wonderful.
Since we found absolutely nothinghad so much fun today we decided next week to go to a different farm. One where we can hopefully pick some pumpkins and maybe apples and some other autumn fruit's and veggies.
We left the farm went back to our friends home and then came home for dinner, baths and bed, because on Sunday what else is their to do. Life is getting back in order, other then DH still being home which not one many of us are complaining about. Since DH works 60 hour work weeks and mostly nights and on Sunday's we are enjoying him being home and getting to do weekend things as a complete family.

The year ahead

Today is usually the day for rest. In my house I rest before the week begins again. For now it is only dance and band but soon enough we will have sports added to the mix. As my Mom has said I have chose to do all this running and as much as I may complain about mention our daily activities I truly do love it. I enjoy watching my DD compete in swim and soon to be basketball and baseball for DS. I enjoy hearing DD bang on her drum(she really is quite good for just starting out)and I absolutely love watching them perform at their recital and I beam with delight when the Mom's come up to me after to discuss how wonderful my little Redhead is (DS). He is just amazing at dancing and I truly love other people realizing it as well.
This year was supposed to be the recoering year. I went to school last year and it was hectic to say the least. I loved every minute of it but I didn't get to do my Motherly duties. Instead they became Grandmotherly duties. Since I truly have the best Mom in the world who completely took over when I needed her too. So this year I swore I would be home for my kids. I would work part-time and I would be home to shuffle everyone to activities as the best taxi cab driver every sports Mom would do. But things are not going as plannned. I have yet to find a job, but such as life and in this recession I am glad to say my husband has a job and we are not starving. Life is good, most day.
I am lucky because I have a car and I can shuffle the kids everywhere they need to go. I enjoy watching them and I just beam with delight as they come running out of what ever activity they have just done talking so fast I can hardly understand a word. It brings me joy knowing my kids are enjoying their kid things.
So just to mention this may be our year schedule.... Just mentioning it so you know where I am whenever you may need me....
Sunday: our day of rest, possibly church if the kids can motivate us early enough.
Monday: swimming practice
Tuesday: dance for DS 6:30-7:30 which means homework dinner and bathes must be done before so the kids can go right to bed after.
Wednesday: more swim practice (if DD makes the team.. this is her second year trying out. I hope this is her year)
Thursday: dance for DS again but this time during dinne time even better
Friday: Band for DD from 5:00-5:30, then if she makes the team swim meet's at night
Saturday: 10:30 a.m. basketball for DS (fall and winter season only) and then dance for DD.
So when I cry to you all cheerfully mention how exhausted awake and prepared to run to the next activity I am, now you all know why. Because I have chosen to put my children in all these things so they dont kill eachother or fight or cry or complain about life all while I pass out on the sidelines and barely make it through dinner. I cant wait for my year ahead and all the cheering I get to do. Thank goodness DH is home Thursday and Saturday when if he goes back to work.

Catching up......

So I have been gone for quite some time. Things have been hectic, crazy, insane, normal around here. Sadly normal includes lots of stress. Lately a bit more then usual.

Here is where the crazy begins... August DH has vacation (Monday through Sunday)we all are thrilled but we have no place to go. We decide let's have a stay-cation. It was wonderful we had tons of plans. In the end we ended up going to the aquarium and then to a water park. All in a week the rest of the time we sat home to recoup from the other days. The weather was far from nice and we did what we could and that was that.
By Saturday I had enough of the happy family moment and needed a girls night out. So we decided to go out and we had a blast. Me and two girlfriends it was great. We danced (in our heads and seats) , we drank (well they did and I had a beer and some soda), we partied till we couldn't any longer (you know about midnight or a few minutes after). Then we all came home. I dropped of my two girlfriends who live up the block and came home.
Well when I got here somebody was in my apartment building and I couldn't see who. So I called DH to come be my saviour and meet me so I could walk upstairs safely. Well on the way to meet me he fell and hurt his ankle. When we got upstairs he was shaking uncontrollably and his ankle was swelling. As you can guess off to the hospital we went. That night we were told after x-rays that it was a horrible sprain and he could go back to work in a week, but follow up with an orthopaedic doctor.
Fun fun now a week of unpaid time home due to injury, just our luck. If it wasn't for bad luck we would have no luck at all. We went to the doctor and they proceeded to put a boot on D. Also known as a walking cast. We were then told come back in 10 days, but no work. No driving, no nothing. Yippee!
To make a long story shorter it is now October and DH has yet to return to work.

During the first month DH couldn't do much so I tried to keep up with everything and entertain the kids and come home to feed him because he was not supposed to even stand up. It was fun to say the least.

September the kids went back to school and we were all thrilled. As soon as school started my best friends father passed away. I was grateful the kids were back in school and I was able to be there for her. Only problem was my kids had all half days the first week of school. I called my Mom and there she was to the rescue or so we thought.
The same day my Mother calls to let me know my Grandfather has been to the doctor and they told him he needs surgery. In Florida far far away. Oh great. Mom must fly off to Florida. For a week, OK we can deal with a week right.... Wrong she is still in Florida and Pop (Grandpa) just got out of the hospital today, 1 week shy of a month. It has been a very long month and it will continue to be a long month ahead of us. Mostly Mom as she is dealing with my Grandma (Nana) and will help out when Pop gets out of the rehabilitation place. Pop can't walk and he is the one who drives and takes care of everything as he has been caring for Nana since a stroke in 1997. Oh yeah did I mention she had a mini stroke just 4 short weeks before Pop had to go in for surgery. Now you see why Mom is there.

So that has been my August and September. It has been hectic, insane, crazy, normal... Just our life. So now I hope to be back up and blogging because I enjoy blogging and I enjoy reading everyone else's blogs. So I'm back and hopefully this time for good.